11. A life after salsa

(Submitted by Cliff, the night security guard)

To relax, Duane Hawkinson, owner of Duane’s pretty good Smokehouse Salsa, occasionally practices his comedy writing skills. Most of it stinks, but he wanted me to submit something, so here’re two jokes he told me just the other day . . . Sorry.

Watching for turtles

(1)    Two star-crossed lovers lie on the beach, their eyes following the path of a single sea gull against a cloudless sky.

“Just the other day, I smelled the sweet aroma of pipe tobacco smoke,” she says, “and it reminded me of something, of what . . . oh, I don’t recall.” She sighs wistfully.

“Just the other day, I put on an old T-shirt,” he says, trying to keep up, “and it reminded me that I
haven’t done laundry for over two weeks.” He sigh-burps.

They never speak again.

When, later, they cross paths, she looks away and sniffs . . . loudly.

(If you think that one was bad, I recommend cutting your losses now and read a different posting.)

(2)    George and Karl are sunning themselves on a log in the middle of a pleasant Sunday afternoon. “I feel we’re drifting apart,” says Karl, slowly, softly, a little catch in his voice. George gives Karl a long, tired look, then dives into the water, sinking to the bottom, where he remains for the rest of the afternoon. George thinks to himself, it’s the same thing every, every weekend!!! Did I mention they’re turtles?

Well, that completes this submission. I’ve done my job. Now back to broom-swatting raccoons out of the dumpsters.