14. Parsley vs. Cilantro Controversy & 15. Reaching Detente with the critters

(Contributed article by Grace Kellinski, Operations Coordinator)

Purists out there say that salsa isn't salsa unless it's made with authentic cilantro, and I'm saying that isn't so. Parsley is just fine. It tastes good, and it's not all rubbery and disgusting, like cilantro. Anyway, Duane Hawkinson, owner of Duane's pretty good Smokehouse Salsa, just can't seem to grow cilantro. I don't know if it's a character defect, or what. He tries hard, don't get me wrong. Oh, no, I've said too much. Oh, the whole issue is getting me worked up.

I'm going to stop now and have a cup of coffee.

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15. Reaching Detente with the critters

We’ve all seen the damage they can do. They are bad. No doubt about it.

As I see it, there are three options in dealing with the critters.

First, you can go the extermination route—gasses, chemicals, gunfire, Muffin. I tried the Muffin approach for a while with limited success. Here is the problem with Muffin. You set Muffin out on the back step, she finds a critter, gnaws its head off, and leaves the remains behind. (Some cats are funny that way. Other cats drop the beheaded carcass at your door as kind of a see-what-I-brought-you-aren’t-I-a-nice-kitty present.) You then mow the lawn, hit the remains, and create critter salsa all over the yard. That’s not an ideal situation.

Second, you can limit your losses by overplanting. This allows both you and the critters to share in your bountiful harvest. Sounds reasonable. However, your neighbors see the abundance overflowing in your  garden, and later in the evening they send Mittens (which is actually not a cat but their eight-year-old daughter and something of an experienced juvenile delinquent) with a bowl and a list, and pretty soon the garden is reduced to a few weeds and a squashed tomato. Not ideal.

Third, you can do what I now do. You feed the critters your leftover junk food. In no time, they will

become obese and lethargic. In no time, they will lose interest in the healthy food grown in your garden and become dependent on your cheese puffs, chips, pretzels, etc., etc., etc. The only downside I’ve found from this approach is that sometimes you’ll find them waiting on the back step—their stomach folds dragging and their breath labored and short--and you’ll have to toss out the crumbs left over from your pizza night even before having your morning coffee. (God help you if you run out.)