22. Enough of Hawkinson—time to move on to the more interesting employees, but before we do that, let’s review the characters discussed to date in this blog, though many more are likely to show up in the future

                                                        

Let’s review the characters in this blog to date.
Duane Hawkinson	Main contributor to blog, owner of Duane’s pretty good Smokehouse Salsa, victim of assault, constant source of controversy and hostility, seemingly unable to get along with an entire country, namely Canada
Senior editor & editor	Prefer not to be identified at this time
Ed	Loyal employee, assault victim, significant drain on dental insurance policy
Hawkinson’s neighbor	A long-time enemy, seeks ways to get even with Hawkinson, has yet to act on them, but fully intends to--when the time is right
Hawkinson’s neighbor’s wife	An attractive woman, trapped in a loveless marriage, enjoys a good shower, and an appreciative audience--thinking of divorcing
Freida S.	An academic and enemy of Hawkinson, hopes to take him down, how, beyond her vicious use of words, she is still unsure
Three Canadians	Life-long enemies of Hawkinson (insofar as they’ve known him for just a few weeks), after witnessing his disrespectful activities, thinking of ways to make his life miserable
Krista Von Matisse	A loyal Canadian, takes revenge on Hawkinson, later accepts employment offer by Hawkinson, admits her smoking addiction is out of control, could become a strain on Hawkinson’s health insurance premiums, still unsure of her appropriate allegiance; if her Canadian passion gets out of control, she may turn on Hawkinson with surprising results
Earl & Rita	Married couple misrecalls the demise of Hawkinson in sinkhole, accidentally shoot each other in Civil War reenactment
Absinthe Florida	Known less for her role in the Hawkinson organization than for her budding romance with Cliff
Cliff	Becoming somewhat concerned that his relationship with Absinthe is moving too quickly
Grandmother	Referred to but not actually part of this blog
Turtle from sinkhole	Awakes from nap, seems to be getting along well in its new environs
Newspaper reporter	Is taking some time off to do an extended profile on chopper gangs
Uper	Discontinues his all-day half-price beer garden & Civil War reenactment extravaganzas when his wife says he isn’t spending enough time talking over his day with her, currently under indictment for questionable business practices
Highway engineers	Fired after misreporting a sinkhole that never happens
Karl & George	Pioneers as the first turtles ever to be married in a gay ceremony, they are both caught during their honeymoon in the prop of an indoor/outdoor motor and die as they are married--together; Cliff is charged with their deaths, though he's never owned a boat, and faces possible hate-crime charges
RJC	Former head of security, bitter, can't decide whether to plot against Hawkinson after losing his job to Canadian Krista Von Matisse, or to warn him of other plotters, has not actually appeared yet in blog, except for his picture, which he's none too keen about
Hank	Stolen when newspaper reporter forgets to lock the storage locker door, several chopper gang members likely suspects, other members "helping" in search
Custodian who read Hawkinson’s letter to National Government of Canada in Ottawa	Is considering visiting Hawkinson to “slap him upside the head” for his poorly worded letter, also running for member of parliament on the theory that “if I can clean up their messes, I can clean up Canada’s messes.” His wife is opposed to the idea, admitting she’d like to move to the states, maybe look into the salsa business
Big PHARMA & the big boys of salsa	Have prepared a joint statement denying any involvement in the demise of Duane Hawkinson, should the eventuality actually take place
Mavis,  Karl, & Devon	Have been processed into salsa, eaten, and reprocessed in other ways
Police officer	Fired for inappropriate remark about taking a bribe in the form of Duane’s pretty good Smokehouse Salsa, applies for head of security of D’pgSS, is beaten out by both RJC and Krista Von Matisse, later reinstated into police department on the condition that he watch his “smart mouth” and maybe use his taser more frequently. (As his supervisor says, "We didn't buy 'em just to leave 'em sitting around all day letting their batteries get low!")
Grace Kellinski	Operations Coordinator, not sure how she feels about Audrey Burning
Audrey Burning	Head of human resources, a little out of place, distracted by problems with her cat Poopsie and her feelings for Grace
Attending nurse	Has thoughts about dating Hawkinson, but just can’t get past the thought of unprocessed bits of  compost stuffed into his mouth--also she loses her appetite for her brown bag lunch after viewing the disintegrated colors in his bed pan
Vladimir Putin	Never actually makes an appearance in this blog, though he is more than welcome to do so
Poopsie	Incontinent cat, whose days may be numbered, hostile to Hawkinson
Larry	Former manager of now-defunct Duane’s pretty good Smokehouse Bidet and Sump Pump Systems, on permanent disability after inadvertently adjusting bidet to highest setting
Ed Terwilliger	Not to be confused with the other Ed, though in some ways he is the other Ed