41. Anise and Kookie Review Recipe for Duane’s pretty good Smokehouse Salsa

Anise: Sign of the end times, I’m afraid.*

Kookie: It’s not that bad.

Anise: I thought we were friends.

(Silence.)

Kookie: Let’s introduce ourselves. I’m Kookie and my lifelong friend (at least that’s what we want you to believe in TV World) over there in the shadows is Anise. We’re going to review an online recipe we discovered when the author sent it to us.

Anise: (Sulking) Hardly a discovery then, is it. I heard from several informed sources that you refused to read it because this Hawkinson character is smarter than you are.

Kookie: That definitely remains to be seen.

Anise:  . . . and more clever and funnier and more inventive—

Kookie: Anise! That’s enough. Do you want to do the dishwashing tonight?

Anise: We’re partners, you! So don’t start bossing me around. Besides, in our usual forum, I’m the boss. Do you want to confuse our followers?

Kookie: Let’s talk about the recipe.

Anise: Well, clearly, it has no business being called a recipe. It’s just a long joke by a silly American south of the border.

Kookie: Oh, Anise, are you on your anti-American binge again?

Anise: Have you ever seen a nation so full of dum-dums? I mean, really?

Kookie: Something tells me you flunked the Preliminary Self-Evaluation (post #3).

Anise: Then let me talk about the recipe (post #3). The story about his grandmother was preposterous. First of all, who puts a story about his grandmother in the middle of the recipe? Talk about falling off the rails. And second of all, I don’t believe it for a minute. Whose grandmother could be so evil?

Kookie: I like how he suggests naming the vegetables.

Anise: You would—

Kookie: That was cute.

Anise: And did you ever try to follow the recipe?

Kookie: Oh, no. It took me so long to read it that I didn’t have time to try it.

Anise: My point exactly.

Kookie: Anise, you need a boyfriend. You’re getting just so, oh, what’s the word—BITTER!

Anise: Well, at least I made the salsa following the recipe!

Kookie: Oh, how was it?
Anise: Pretty good, I guess.

Editor's Note: If you think Anise and Kookie's recipe review was useful, please e-mail us at duane.hawkinson@gmail.com (a real e-mail, so we will track you down if you get out of line), and we may post your comments here, assuming a minimum of spelling and grammar errors. As always, your e-mail makes you eligible for a free jar of Duane's pretty good Smokehouse Salsa. If you think Anise and Kookie are pseudonyms for actual people, please identify the people and include a 2000 word essay explaining yourself (a video will suffice if you're a millennial). If you make a strong case, your name will go TWICE into the drawing for a free jar of Duane's pretty good Smokehouse Salsa. Who doesn't like improved odds, after all? And if you think the review was actually a parody written by someone on Hawkinson's staff, please include a 5000 word essay explaining yourself (a video will suffice if you're a millennial). Your comments will be posted, and, in this case, your name will be entered 5 times for a free jar of Duane's pretty good Smokehouse Salsa. That's a pretty good deal. Don't rush into anything. You'll probably want to read the review about 5-10 times to catch all the nuances; it might also be helpful to learn the names of folks who review recipes for a living--not that we're giving anything away here. Sometimes, it's fun to throw people off track--not that that's what we're doing here. Just saying.

*Anise and Kookie do not claim to be funny. This post does nothing to discredit their claim.